On Letting Go of Hustle Culture (Note: It's a Process)

How I’m Learning to Choose Stability and Self-Worth Over Speed and Achievement

This week, I made a decision that excited me, only to have it send me spiraling later. Two weeks from my last day at work and in the middle of a major career shift...I hired a business coach who has promised to help me get my own coaching business up and running within the next three months. I was so excited to find her, to connect with with, to hand over my credit card info (gulp).

She asked me what limiting beliefs, what blockers, may be getting in my way. I assured her I had none — confident in my skills, training, and experience to coach women through life changes and burnout. With the business acumen I’d be learning and my natural drive to succeed, what was there to be scared of?

Only, I hadn’t paused.

I hadn’t actually stopped to ask myself if my decision to add just one more course or input into my life was what I needed right now. While transitioning out of my career, caring for my daughter, attending my life coaching program, and traveling to the East Coast…was adding another commitment really what I needed right now? Or, was it old patterns or beliefs that were fueling me forward?

If I’m really honest with myself, it feels really familiar. It feels similar to the girl who in college was an RA, worked on and off-campus jobs, got engaged, planned a wedding, took too many units to graduate early.

While I can appreciate the instincts of this part of myself (I say part because I know this isn’t coming from my core, true self), I know she is trying to protect me. Her actions are fueled by a desire to keep me succeeding, earning money, pushing hard for success in one field to another. Because I’m smart! And capable! And I deserve it, dammit.

I realize now, though, that this part of me, the one who pushes to do more, is separate from my truest self. She is a part of me that exists to protect me, to make I don’t look foolish. She desires to control how I interact with the world to keep me safe, keep me in line with societal and cultural expectations of success. And she has worked so hard to succeed. She is professional. She is driven. She gets promotions and raises. She has served me well across a lifetime of achievement. But now, I know I don’t need her control. In fact, I’m safe without her control.

So here is what I do now. I close my eyes, stretch out my hands, and picture this part of me—just 2 inches tall, standing in my palms. I see her as tiny but powerful, in her business suit and heels, driven and professional. I tell her that I’m okay. I’m not afraid. I don’t need her to push me to keep it together, put on a brave face, hit the targets “others” may expect me to hit.

I believe that if I follow my instincts and give myself the time and space that my true self is craving that I’ll still have plenty of time to be successful. To develop an awesome business. To support lots of people in the ways they need to be supported.

I don’t need to rush. In fact, I’ll be better off (my business will be better off) if I don’t. I tell my little controller self that she can rest now. She has worked so hard. She is safe now. She can rest.

Breaking old patterns is hard. Really hard. But I am learning that being okay doesn't require pushing forward at all costs.

So when I attend my first 1-1 session with my new business coach next week, I will tell her that what’s standing in my way is my “old way” of doing things (fast, driven, success-oriented), and I’m working on forging a new way.

The only type of hustle I’ll get on board with from now on

The new way isn’t about rushing or doing more. It’s about simplicity, stability, and self-worth rooted in who I am, not what I accomplish.

To my sweet little controller self, I say: I am here learning to trust the slow path, to stop proving myself through struggle, and to embrace what brings comfort, beauty, and steadiness to my life.

It may not be easy to break old habits and patterns, but I’m on my way.