Embracing Stability and Living Your New Life
In the final stage of the change cycle, you're living the life that felt impossible not long ago.
If you’re just joining, catch up on Stage 1 (grief and unraveling), Stage 2 (dreaming and scheming), and Stage 3 (action and experimentation).
Stage 4 is the exhhaaaale. The part where things feel like they’re finally working. Not in a “my life is perfect” kind of way, but in an “I’m no longer flailing, and damn that feels good” kind of way.
In Stage 4, you might find yourself thinking things like:
“I’m not in crisis anymore.”
“I like this new version of me.”
“I could stay here for a while.”
This is the phase where stability has returned (for now). You’re no longer actively unraveling or rebuilding. Life feels more full of ease. The changes you made are starting to stick. You’re not gripping the controls so tightly anymore. You’re not chasing answers or clawing your way out of chaos. You’re living.
In the first three essays in the series, I shared how I left my beloved career behind in my late 20s, moved from Orange County back to San Diego, and landed a job at another university. That (oversimplified) spiral through the change cycle ended with me settling into the rhythms of that new job: getting to know the systems, the people, and enjoying the stability I’d once longed for.
I was saying things I never would’ve admitted two years earlier:
“I’m open to being wrong.”
“I don’t have all the answers.”
It was such a stark contrast to the version of me who had been afraid to ask for help or even admit I needed any.
Even the way I dressed changed. Where I once showed up in tight-fitting work pants and heels, I started wearing oversized sweaters and ballet flats. I was living more comfortably, more freely. I wasn’t performing anymore. I was becoming someone I liked.
And to bring us to the end of our caterpillar-to-butterfly metaphor: in Stage 4, you are the butterfly. Shocking, I know. But look at you. You’re beautiful. All that work breaking free from your chrysalis? It paid off. You’re actually flying.
If Stage 1 is the breakdown, Stage 2 the blueprint, and Stage 3 the brave experiment—Stage 4 is living the results. It’s not the end of change (spoiler: there’s no such thing), but it’s a sweet chapter where you get to live in the version of yourself you fought so hard to become.
Tune in next week, when I’ll use my personal experience to tie everything together, offering a practical framework you can use whenever you’re facing change. Because every time life presents us with an opportunity to change, we have the power to make choices that bring us closer to the life we truly want.